The track that started it all!
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The track that started it all!
Oh wait…….it isn’t happening thanks to the selfishness, lies and disrespect of a certain woman. All I have left from this is a scar on my face and one in my heart. But most importantly, a valuable lesson learned!
It’s the end of the road for the two of us. You have no idea what true love is, not even if you look it up in the dictionary. You said you loved me and cared for me and that’s the reason you wanted me in your life as a friend. I wanted you in my life as a friend as well because I was fooled by you, because I thought that at some point later in our lives we would be back together. Now I understand the real reason why you did not want to comply with the only thing I asked for. I was willing to have a friendship with you as long you stopped being “friends” with the guy you cheated on me with. But after seeing you two making out tonight everything was clear to me. I made it clear to you that you were losing me because despite the fact I loved you, I could not continue in the situation we were in because it was hurting me and because there is people out there who want to be with me and appreciate how caring and loving I am (unlike you who took me for granted). You are selfish and a liar. You only think about yourself and never about those who loved you and would have done anything for you. Do you have any idea how many people forgive and forget cheating? Not many, only those who truly love someone do as long as the cheating party shows that he/she is repented and won’t have anything to do with the person they were cheating with.
I loved you. You have no idea how much I loved you and the compromises I was willing to make for you. I have never forgiven cheating but I was willing to do it for you as long as you showed you were truly sorry. You did fool me for a while. I thought you really kept this guy at bay and he had stopped his moves on you. Clearly that wasn’t the case based on what I saw tonight. Why was he coming up to your house? To put you to bed and tell you goodnight stories? Thank God I trust my instincts and I knew something wasn’t right. After tonight, I know I was right.
But you know what, I’m glad it happened because it made me open my eyes and realize the liar you are. So, thanks for that. Like I told you so many times before; be honest with me because the truth always comes out and sooner or later I will find out.
I loved you like I’ve never loved anyone before. Now I hate you like I’ve never hated anyone before.
I know that what I’ve gone through with you is just karma taking its toll on me as I did something similar in my previous relationship (you knew this) and that’s the reason why I tried to be the best boyfriend and partner for you and I was always honest with you (sometimes way too honest).
I’m moving on, it is easier now after what you did to me tonight. I’m giving myself a chance with someone who so far has shown me she likes me, appreciates me and wants to be with me. I don’t love her but I know that will happen eventually. You can be as happy as you can with that guy. Funny thing is, he broke your heart once when I never did. And if karma follows its course, you wil be next. I just hope it won’t be as painful as it has been for me.
It’s over Amanda. Tonight, you killed the pure, unconditional love I had for you. One day you will regret what you have given up with your hurtful actions. You said you wanted the filet mignon but you have clearly chosen the tortilla chips instead. Despite all, I wish you the best in all aspects of your life. Maybe, just maybe one day we will cross paths again…..
P.S. And to those of you who have been reading this blog for the past three months while I’ve been coping with my situation, I truly thank you. This blog has been my way to cope with my pain. I promise you that from now on I will start writing about the things this blog was supposed to be in the first place: consumer tech, football (what you people call soccer), photography and random shit.
It seems a lot of people love the month of February for different reasons. Either because it is the shortest month of the year; President’s day and therefore a holiday takes place in February, or due to Valentine’s day. The geeky ones might love it because Mobile World Congress takes place in Barcelona and a ton of new mobile devices for international markets as well as the US are announced by the big boys like HTC, Sony and others.
I’ve always liked February because it marks the return of Champions League football after the winter break and also because it is the beginning of the knockout stages. Although I’m keeping my expectations low because AC Milan is not the same team from a few years ago and they are playing FC Barcelona, I will support them and hope they get a good result, upset the pundits and advance to the quarterfinals of the Champions League. Despite this, I’m kind of hating this February.
Two years ago I had the best February ever. I met someone new, someone who healed my broken heart (I know, it was my fault) and showed me what love was like again. Valentine’s day was great and a week later things became even better as we embarked in a relationship that made us both happy and filled us with joy, happiness and love. I felt the luckiest bastard on earth and I truly couldn’t ask for more. I was happy!
However, as you may have noticed if you have read my previous posts, things are much more different now. Gone are those days filled with love and happiness and the only thing remaining is pain, sorrow and frustration. My heart is broken once again, surprisingly by the same person who healed it two years ago.
I just wonder if history will partially repeat itself and February will bring someone into my life again…….
Love…..the emotion that makes you do silly things for the person you feel that emotion towards, and even sometimes makes you put that person ahead of everyone else including yourself. At least, that is my definition of love. However, I find myself a little confused as there are people telling me they love me but their actions tell me the opposite.
In my life so far, I’ve only truly loved two people. One whom I hurt deeply and another one who has hurt me deeply. Karma? You bet.
I’ve recently discovered that there are two kinds of pain. The sort of pain that makes you strong, or useless pain, the kind that’s only suffering (thanks to Francis Underwood, Kevin Spacey’s character in “House of Cards”. Awesome show by the way, you should go watch it now on netflix). Ever since I was hurt about 2 months ago, I thought I was suffering of useless pain, as I was only suffering despite my attempts to avoid just that. I’ve always believed you should not give up and fight, be persistant for what you want. However, after realizing that no matter how much effort, passion and commitment I put into that goal, I will not get what I want and the only thing I’ve gotten out of it is suffering; I’ve starting to realize that such pain I’ve been experiencing is only making me strong. i have slowly started to realize that I’m becoming indifferent to certain things that hurt me before. Not sure if it is because I don’t really care about those things anymore or if it is just because I’ve taken so much that I can’t take it anymore and I’m better off not giving a fuck about it.
There is one thing I’m certain about though; there is a fine thin line between love and hate. I’ve read once that you can only truly hate those you love and you can truly love those you hate. Based on the way I’ve been feeling lately, I’m inclining towards the former. Just for the record, not because I want to but because of their actions.
Another thing I’m certain about is that someone’s loss is someone else’s gain. In this case, it is their loss and I’m pretty sure they will fucking regret their decisions/actions when it is too late.
I’ve always believed that actions speak louder than words so I find it flabbergasting that these people tell me they love and care for me when their actions say the opposite. They know I’m being hurt by their actions and yet the keep doing it.
So, since I’m getting two different ideas of what love could be, I can’t help but wonder, what the hell is love?
And when the big wheel starts to spin
You can never know the odds
If you don’t play you’ll never win
At least when it comes to feelings and emotions, I’m usually pretty good at learning from previous mistakes and I take great pride on it. Unfortunately this weekend I made a few silly mistakes that I’ve made in the past. Granted, I was a little tipsy but I know there is no excuse. I should know better as the only thing I got out if it was having people I love and love me getting mad and upset at me and also caused me frustration and anger.
My most sincere apologies to you and I’m really sorry I ruined a lovely evening that was going very well and it was poised to end beautifully. I enjoyed every bit of it until the terrible ending. But fear not, I promise it won’t happen again.
I’ve been a fan of Above & Beyond for a few years now and I love every single track the come out with so it is no surprise that Group therapy feels sounds so amazing and fresh just like when it came out in June 2011. Every single song in the album is great on their own but there are some that really stand out depending on how I feel. Love is not enough is the one song that come close to the way I feel now…..
I’ve tried to stay away as much as I can, keep myself busy, going out with people and just think about anything else this past week but it is hard. I can’t stop thinking about you. I hate myself for being in this crazy emotional roller coaster. I may need to get away for a little, ideally to Tahoe as its beautiful scenery combined with the snow makes it a great destination but I’m afraid it may bring memories of happier times from the past. I guess I just need to take the risk.
I’m trying to maintain a positive outlook but I can’t help to feel so empty……
When I started this site two years ago and made my first post, I was in a bad emotional state that was affecting other areas of my life due to the fact I had lost the person I loved thanks to my selfishness and behavior. It was a tough moment in my life but thankfully I got over it and I learned to be honest, respectful and stopped being selfish.
Sadly I find myself in the same situation again. This time is not my fault though. I learnt my lesson and I believe I was very honest, respectful, caring, loving and always put her before anyone else, even myself. I just wanted her to feel loved, cared for and be happy. I was happy if she was happy and I was sad if she was sad. She was my best friend too
But despite the fact that she loves me and cares for me, she does not want to be with me. She has made her choice and it wasn’t me. It hurts, it really hurts! I just hope one day she realizes she made a big mistake in letting go of a guy like me, who was willing to forget and forgive as long as she was willing to come back to me. Someone who would have done anything for her, someone who would have starved to death so she could eat, someone who would have taken a bullet for her. Just about anything for her.
This weekend is the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I cannot be around someone who doesn’t want to be with me because I’m just hurting myself even more so all that remains are memories of the nice and lovely time together when we were happy.
I know that you, my love, are reading this so I just want to wish you good luck, happiness and success in your life and that you always make the right choices. But most importantly, that you don’t ever get hurt.
It’s time to move on. It’s not going to be easy but thankfully I have my family and nice friends who will make the process easier. As they say; when a door closes, a window opens……